Before I marry

[RBatson]

I'm glad someone else said something opposing to what I said. There needs to be two contrasting views shown but.. I've had a year of seperation to think about this subject and I've thought about it alot. I came to the conclusion that love is not a contract, it doesn't want. There is nothing that marriage can add to love that money can't buy... and money isn't love. Marriage is indeed a contract, go talk with a divorce lawyer and you will see what I mean.

Originally Posted by Mr 5 0

Unrealistic expectations going into marriage is a large part of the divorce problem, along with too-easy divorce laws and an attitude of 'I'll try this and see if it works', often secretly thought while pledging your love to another 'until death do you part', which dooms the chances of a successful marriage right from the beginning.

I wish you well, Rick but I do not accept your take on 'what marriage is', however, as you are divorced and I'm happily married, I think my take may be a tad more realistic.

I agree with you about the unrealistic expectations and the general acceptance of divorce today playing a major role. Everyone is waiting for the perfect person but no one seems to realize there is no perfect person. The opportunist don't help the matter any.

I never expected I'd ever get divorced but it became painfully obvious it was something I would be unable to avoid after the marriage. That fact that you are happily married(congrats!) and I am recently divorced doesn't make your view any more realistic than mine, in fact I feel its just the opposite. I feel my view of 'marriage today' is more realistic. Being married doesn't make you love each other any more or less.

I wish you the best too, Jim.

[Mr 5 0]

Originally Posted by RBatson

That fact that you are happily married(congrats!) and I am recently divorced doesn't make your view any more realistic than mine, in fact I feel its just the opposite. I feel my view of 'marriage today' is more realistic. Being married doesn't make you love each other any more or less.

Rick, it's obvious that two people don't have to be married to 'be in love' and that marriage does not automatically make your love any more or less real. I never said it did. However, the fact of being married and staying married because you both want to be together is a pretty good indication of a mutual love and respect for each other that the absence of that formal committment (of legal marriage) lacks, in my opinion. Live-in's and other arrangements outside of marriage rarely last more than a few years, as there is no real committment and - as singer/songwriter Paul Simon once wrote (and sang): There are (at least) '50 Ways To Leave Your Lover'.

While today's newlyweds may be less inclined to enter into marriage as a lifelong, 'Till death do us part' committment and pre-nups are common, the fact remains (and is often unnoticed) that even with a near-50% chance of a married couple divorcing, millions of married couples DO remain married for life - to one partner, even in a society that has obviously de-valued marriage as the accepted social norm. I think it would be a safe assumption to conclude that the majority of those married 'lifers' are happy in their marriages, understanding that the concept of 'happy' is always relative.

While we may be on opposite sides in terms of our marriage experiences, I think that simply helps any readers of this thread see a diverse set of views. That we each bring a certain level of bias to the discussion is no crime, as those individual biases are transparent and held without rancor. I happen to see marriage in a more positive light because I am happily married and know others who are equally successful in their marriages. You have had a negative experience with marriage and see it with a more jundiced eye, as it were. I think we both have points to be made and I am more than willing to let readers decide on where the truth lies, although, when discussing something as personal as marriage, it is rather difficult to be truly objective, as we both have proved here.

[Unit 5302]

Originally Posted by Mr 5 0

...that even with a near-50% chance of a married couple divorcing, millions of married couples DO remain married for life - to one partner...

Actually, the number of people that stayed married to each other is greater than the 50% because people who get one divorce are statistically more likely to divorce again. Thus the divorce rate may be 50%, but the number of people getting divorces is significantly lower.

I hope that actually brightens your day a little, as it does lend support the marriage concept, and the fact that more people stay together than what might initially be theorized based on the simplest divorce statistics.

[btr]

No prenup here. Got married right out of college with 2 cars, a truck and a dime in my pocket. I could see a prenup if you have a lot of money before the marriage and the significant other had nothing.