Is it me? Or do you Guys have the same problem? (Girls can help me on this too)

[1969Mach1]

My g/f and I have been going out for almost 5 months (on Dec. 3rd). Things have had their ups and downs but I've always managed to make things work.

I always take the blame for the problem (I know sometimes it is me but still...) Anyway; to my question.

Does it bother you if your g/f goes out and hangs out with other guys?
O.K., I don't want to control her life and tell her what to do and what not to do...that's just not me. But she went out with one of her friends and one of my good friends a couple of times and I told her that I didn't like that (because of another story) but she still did it once afterwords and blamed it on her friends.
It was just that I was getting lied to everytime they hung out and I felt like I was being left out too.

Now to my NEW problem. She asked me if I would be mad if she hung around her guy friends and I said I wouldn't mind (and I don't think I would) but I know until it happens it may bother me. I told her I should be fine - depending on what they do.

I'm jealous - I know that - but is this normal and what should I do? It doesn't bother me but I can't help thinking of it - over and over and over.

{I'm on the phone with her and she's talking to one of her guy friends and I've been on hold for like 5 minutes now!)

Guys - help me! Am I being blind - should I see that something is happening?

Also by accident (it really was an accident) I read an email she sent to a friend saying she liked this guy (who she is talking on the phone with him right now). She said it was a joke but I know it wasn't a joke. And I know she loves me but I'm wondering how much, and could she be playing me.

Ohh.... my that felt good to get off the chest.

But please help, I want to hear any suggestions cause I'm really lost and confused.

[TXinPA]

I've always been the type of girl to have more guy friends, but mostly because I like cars, and I tend to get along with them better. It hasn't ever interfered with any of my relationships though. The guy I was dating was almost always included. And when they weren't, is was their choice.

It sounds like she has an intrest in these other guys, other than friendship. I suggest breaking up with her. I wouldn't giver her the reason either, because if she has a brain at all, she'll know why.

[1969Mach1]

Yeh, I know. I hate that option cause I still care for her, back to the many of guys problems on this site. We're afraid to be alone. I love being with someone. I think that is a option to come though, we really arn't ment for each other and I know that but I still love being with her. I will see how the next acouple weeks go from there and then decide. If it procedes to be a problem then I will have to sit down with myself and really decide.

Thanks,
up for more suggestions too.

[6T9PONY]

I think you just need to talk to her about it. Try to avoid a fight over it, but you seriously need to sit her down and find out what FOR SURE is going on there with her other guy friend.

Another thing, it doesn't sound like she is as into your "relationship" as much as you are. Find out...ask her exactly how she feels....

I have had my girlfriend now for 3 1/2 years!!! That's a long ******* time for only being 17! And she's 16! We've definitely had our down times, but we've also had many more great times than the bad. We have broken up twice since we first got together. The first time we were apart for about a month, we both tried to hook up with other people, and it wasn't very cool. So we talked and got back together. The 2nd time we were in a fight and I blew up and stupidly broke up with her again. We were back together in a week....

What I have realized with my girlfriend though, is that my life, when we are dating is so much better than when we break up, even though I broke up with her both times.

3 1/2 years is a lot different than 5 months though....so talk to her....demand the truth from her....and react....do what you feel is right......all I can say to you....

And good luck!

[1969Mach1]

Thats good advice man thanks. The thing is she knows how I feel, and she won't tell me the truth if she is lieing. I know that, cause she may not see it as a bad thing. Like I doubt they are going out and making out but they are pretty much like flirting with each other but she won't see it that way. Yeh 5 months but it feels like years. I know I'd be happier with her then without her but I think I'd be even happier with someone else. It hurts alot to say that. I do everything to keep this relationship going. My g/f is 3 years younger then me and I'm only 17. Yeah I know I've taken alot of abuse about the age difference but it doesn't bother me cause it doesn't even occure to me when we are together. And she lives 15km away (9 miles) and I drive to go see her 99% of the time, I buy her gifts, I send her a email like almost everyday, I send her cards. I do everything for her and never complain because of doing it. I do it from my heart cause I care for her but it just starts to hurt when the feeling isn't coming back.

[TXinPA]

sounds to me like she's stilll a kid. what can you expect?

[1969Mach1]

=( Yes I know in that way yes. In others no.

[69fastback]

Dude she is a 14 year old kid what do u want? She has no clue of what she wants in a guy or form life. What u do is stop buying her gifts and stop emailiing her and just don't talk to her for a couple of days. Then just go see her or call her up one day and act like nothing is wrong. If she really cares about u or cares about the things that u do for her she will be mad at u for not eamiling her and bringing gifts and stuff. If she doesn't get mad then she never cared. that is what i always do to find out if a girl cares or not works everytime. But dude she is just a kid they don't know what the hell they want. I will bet alot of the freinds are not freinds.

[1969Mach1]

I don't see her as a kid cause she really isn't. She is mature for her age. Like I wouldn't know the difference if she was my age. (I may just be blind) and I know if I don't talk her she will freak. I talk to her like 4-5 hours a day. I can't avoid her. She calls my house like 6 times an hour if I'm not home and I don't tell her where I am. I know she cares for me but I'm thinking she just likes these other guys.

[929PhoenixSquid]

Here's the way I see it. Do you trust her? I mean TRULY trust her?

If she needs to hide it from you, there may be something concerning about the situation. My GF has plenty of guy friends.......most of them are dogshit, but nevertheless. I trust HER, not them.

It always boils down to trust....IMO

[1969Mach1]

Yeh, I know. I do trust her but then I don't. I more the less don't trust them. Like I trust her not to make out with them and **** but like flirting and stuff and going out and having fun and doing stuff with them appose to me who is going out with her and supposed to be doing that stuff too.

I'll see how it goes.
Thanks for the tips guys & girls.
Keep them coming.
I think I need to go for a good ride stop somewhere sit and just think about this.

[6T9PONY]

My girlfriend and I are both very jelous people ourselves. We both always want to know who we're around and everything. But I don't think I'd want it any other way. She knows that I care and I know that she cares. We talk EVERY night on the phone, even for just a few minutes, but we always make time. We get to talk a lot in school, even though I only have her in one class, and we only hang out once or twice a week though. We used to hang out a lot more, 3 or 4 times a week, but since I got my new Stang I have to work on it most nights. She doesn't like that but she understands. She's cool about it.

I trust my girlfriend completely. She has never cheated on me. I have never cheated on her. But, like 929PhoenixSquid (where did you get that name anyways?) said, I don't trust other guys. At all.

I think 69fastback's method is a good one. In MOST cases...if you were just starting a relationship then it might work, but it might not also. She might just think you don't want to have anything to do with her so she will lay off. But in your case 1969Mach1, I think it would work to she how she's feeling. Give it a try....

Let us know the outcome...aight?

[PKRWUD]

OMG, we're talking about a 14 year old girl and her "ways", and what they mean?!?!?!? Dude, she won't even have a clue for another 5 or 6 years. Why are you stressing over it. I'm sorry, but I guess there are just too many miles between me and my ability to understand a 14 YEAR OLD GIRL.

She can't even legally have a beer for another SEVEN YEARS, and we're trying to figure her out? Dude.

Embrace being single. It ROCKS!!!!

Take care,
-Chris

[6T9PONY]

PKRWUD's just jealous you have a girlfriend and he doesn't.

Just joking just joking. Ignore that comment so PKRWUD doesn't get mad at me.

I would agree with him, and I DO understand his point. But seeings as how I started dating my current girlfriend during the summer between my 7th and 8th grade years, and between her 6th and 7th, I understand where 1969Mach1 is coming from also.

It's hard to tell if this girl is a typical 14 year old, or if she acts 16 or 17 like we mature fellows do! But by what 1969Mach1 has been saying about her, she seems pretty mature.

Do what you feel is right man....that's what it comes down to...

[1969Mach1]

The age has no factor in this, that isn't the issue at all. And I don't want her to drink that'd just worry me even more cause I'd want to be there everytime she drinks cause I don't want nothing to happen. I've kinda decided that I'm going to wait this out see what happens cause she had just asked me how I'd feel if she hung out with some of her guy friends cause she only hangs around them at school. (I live a town over so I don't go to the same school as her) So that's always something that lies over my should thinking what's all going on. But if she knows me she'll know if she goes and hangs out with her guy friends it'll bother me so if she does then I then make my final decision. If it's some of her girl and guy friends I may not worry so much if it's just her and 1 guy then I'll probably be angry.
Let a dove go and if it returns it truely loves you.

Take it easy guys,
Thanks for your help,

[73 Mustang Boy]

It sounds to me like you don't trust her. No matter what your ages if you dont trust each other the relationship will never work. For the first 6 months I dated my girlfriend we spent every day together then I moved 250 miles away to college. It takes alot of trust to leave your girlfriend 250 mles behind and not worry about her cheating on you but that thought rarely crosses my mind and when it does I quickly dismiss it. I am sure my girlfriend feels the same way about me. In my opinion after 5 months, if you dont trust her enough to leave her alone with other guys something is not right.

[Mr 5 0]

1969Mach I:

Age is a factor whether you guys realize it or not. This girl will be a different person in four or five years, as will you. I've seen it happen.

That said; all I can offer is that it appears she is playing both ends here. By that I mean that she has her steady boyfriend (you) while enjoying the attention of other guys with the added benefit (for her) of not only scoping out these guys but keeping you jealous, too. It's a win-win for her and must do wonders for her self-esteem. And you get what out of this deal?

I would ask her if she would mind if you hung around other girls. Play innocent. No matter what she says, she'll freak if you do this, guaranteed - and if not, she's probably not as into this reralationship as you may think.

One more thing; speaking very generally here - not just to you - but I see the word 'love' tossed around here like a Frisbie. I know it feels good to use that word but for one thing, most 14-year-olds have no clue what 'love' is.

It sure isn't 'love' when you want to 'hang around other guys' instead of the guy you 'love' and it isn't 'love' when you prefer to talk to another guy and leave the guy you supposedly 'love' on hold. These are juvenile games that young girls (and young guys) play out of insecurity and other motivations but not out of 'love'.

The older guys/gals here can tell you that love is committment, trust, honesty and a desire to please the other person and to see them happy, not make them jealous or keep them guessing about the state of the relationship.

Look, you guys are young and can call whatever it is you have going whatever you want, but I suggest that you look at the situation honestly and as it is, not as you may wish it was.

Whatever happens, we wish you well.

[1969Mach1]

Mr 5 0 that was the best damn advice I've heard ever. It's so true, now I'm still confused probably more so then ever but that cleared things up alot.

Thanks Man,

[90'5.0 Conv]

How does this go?

Men are from Mars and Little girls are from Venus?

No, thats not it!

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

She's somewhere around Pluto man

She's 14 for crying out loud!!!!
Geeeez!!

[joe4speed]

Originally posted by Mr 5 0


I would ask her if she would mind if you hung around other girls. Play innocent. No matter what she says, she'll freak if you do this, guaranteed - and if not, she's probably not as into this reralationship as you may think.

Women hate this, The woman I'm seeing now is huge flirt, and I can't stand it, but deal with it, if I do it, she goes ballistic! She has chilled out alot though because we talked about it and sorted it all out, now there's that marriage thing we need to fix!