What the hell did I just do?

[fiveohpatrol]

Well, last night, I ended the relationship with my girlfriend of almost 2 years.

I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe just to kinda "talk" to someone about it.

We had known each other since the 4th grade (now soon to be juniors in college), and we started seeing each other after we noticed there was a spark between us when we wre on spring break our senior year of high school.

Everything was so great for a long time. I was more in love with her than I ever thought I could be with anyone. We were perfect for each other.
Then since we were so happy, we eventually started talking about how it would be with us getting married after college and getting a house together and all that. I was all for it - at that time.

About 6 months ago, I started having weird feelings about our relationship and was worried that I was falling out of love with her. I just kept it inside and hoped it would go away (bad idea). Those feelings would come and go for what seemed to be no reason at all.

Well, we finally talked about it (about a month ago) and it hasn't gotten any better.
So last night I told her that I still love her very much, and I don't know what I'm gonna do without her, but I thought it was best - for now - to take some 'time off' from our relationship.

These were - by FAR - the hardest words for me to ever get out of my mouth.

I just can't believe that I did it, even though I know its for the best.

I want to be fair to her and if I can't give her 100% of my love, then we shouldn't be together.

I'm sorry I wrote so much and probably wasted your time but I just needed to vent a little.

Thanks for listening,

-Drew

[PKRWUD]

You are wise beyond your years. There are a few guys here that could learn from your example. I'm proud of your decision, and I believe it will work out to the best for you. Honestly, what you both may find in separation, is that you two are meant for each other, and this time apart will have confirmed that. Or, your gut feeling may be right, and you will each find others who better suit each others needs. Either way, the first, and hardest step was taken by you last night, and you should be proud. It may not feel like such a great thing right now, but you both will be grateful later, regardless of the final results.

Best wishes.

Take care,
-Chris

[Mercury]

Prkwd hit the nail on the head. It took me a long time to work up the courage and see the light. I broke up with my girlfriend of some 4yrs back in November.

We learned alot about our feelings for one another, and what we did wrong, and learned alot....ALOT, and now were talking again and working things out. We just got so comfortable with one another we started taking one another for granted. THings seem to be better than they've ever been between us now that we understand one another.

You made a wise decision, a mature one that is a very difficult one to make, and even harder to execute. Be proud. This may draw you all closer together in the long run. One never knows.

[Mr 5 0]

fiveohpatrol:

Some helpful comments precede this post and I won't bother to repeat them but I will add a few of my own.

The way you describe your feelings about the girl and your relationship tell me that you clearly have a sense that your relationship was/is moving toward a lifetime commitment that you're simply not ready to make before you're 21, which is perfectly reasonable.

I think breaking off with her completely may have been overkill, based on a sense of urgency on your part to 'get out of this' before it went too far and she was really hurt. That's also understandable, even commendable if your feelings are as you say and the 'spark' has flickered a bit.

Still, from what you wrote, it sounds like a simple fear of commitment that women always complain about but that, in your case, seems reasonable.

I bet you're not falling 'out of love' with her but just aren't ready for marriage and everything that entails, but once it came up and you agreed marriage was a great idea, you felt anything less than continued agreement would make you look like a jerk and like you were just 'using' her by indicating you wanted to get married when you really didn't.

Maybe, after time, you saw negative things about her that, in your early excitment with her you overlooked but now seem to be a problem. Rather than blame her, you blame yourself. Think 'Seinfeld' and the famous George Costanza debate about the line: 'It's not you, it's me'. At one point, George screams to Jerry; "I INVENTED 'It's not you, it's me!" Actually, it was her.

Look, I'm just some guy on an internet messageboard and don't presume to know more than anyone else here but I would advise you to take this time to rethink where you are and what you want from this girl and for the two of you.

If you just don't feel ready for marriage, tell her so. That doesn't automatically mean that you don't love her. Those are two distinct, separate issues and both of you have to realize that before you can go forward.

You guys are young and have some time. Use it to grow and mature and move toward marriage at your own pace - or away from it if that's what it turns out to be. Find out.

Don't think that love automatically means marriage. No, I do not advocate 'playing house' either, but simply staying connected and not assuming that if you love each other you both should automatically have the identical desire to be married.

It doesn't always work that way. If she loves you, she'll be willing to wait awhile and not push marriage as a condition of the relationship continuing, assuming she trusts you not to use her and then dump her.

These are just random observations based on your post. I may be all wrong here due to a lack of information but I hope this and other replies to your honest and compelling post will be of some help to you in dealing with this tough situation in your life.

Remember, even if we get it wrong or are of no help at all; we mean well and wish you the best. Many of us have been where you are and we do understand, even though we can't fix it or make any decisions for you.

[Crazy Horse GT]

Man, I can really relate to this.

I got married at 21. I wasn't ready. Oh, by the way, Odie really wasn't either. It lasted a year & a half, we split, I went in the navy, she went her way. I raised total ----- till I turned 25.

I came home & realized that I had wasted some years, but I had to do it. I couldn't give her my all!, Well, we found each other again, it's good now, even with both of our health problems.

You're young. Sooner or late. you'll figure it out. Life is one he-- of a puzzle, you just gotta find the pieces. It ain't easy but nothing is.

Take care, I hope this helped. If not, then ask Mr 5 0 again.

[fiveohpatrol]

well Mr 5 0 , the whole marriage thing isn't a big issue in the whole ordeal. Neither one of us has ever pushed the subject very far. We both knew things could change (as they did) and that we shouldnt jump into anything yet.

We just got so comfortable with one another we started taking one another for granted

Maybe, after time, you saw negative things about her that, in your early excitment with her you overlooked but now seem to be a problem.

those 2 quotes seem to sum it up almost completely, and I feel terrible admitting that

thank you guys for your words, This is why MW is so great. There's no way that people on any other message board would even read through my first paragraph, let alone replying with words of wisdom. Thank you again

[Mr 5 0]

fiveohpatrol:

Glad to offer whatever help and/or advice we may have.

I wish you well.