Anger Managment Problems.

[Mercury]

Okay, I've tried dealing with this myself. Been like failing miserably, so now I turn to friends for advice.

I've had a growing problem these last few months. Use to be pretty good at brushing things off, and forgiving and forgetting. Not no more. The fuse on my explosive temper just got cut short, so short that it doesnt take very long once its lit, to detonate.

Lets see, I'll give you a few short examples.. A ricer drove by me after him and his girl smirked and chuckled at my 2000 Mustang GT. Why, I have no clue.

After they passed me, I watched her in her mirror size up something..at the time I didnt know. Then to my amazement, she tossed the full can of Soda she had, out the window. It Hit my front end and then bounced off my wind shield....Covering my freshly washed and waxed car in Diet Coke....

Explode I did. Mt St Helens didnt have anything on my eruption. To make a very long interesting Story Short, I caught him at a light, got out of my car...um....confronted him. He tried to drive off, so I cussed, yelled, screamed, and ran up and kicked out his tail light after he almost ran over my foot.

Turns out the kid lives 4 houses down from me.

I loose my temper around people who usually dont irritate me, and the ones that did irritate me, I've exploded on and yelled at.

Yesterday I exploded at Wal-Mart when I couldnt find anything in my size...Seems they just cater to Super Big and Fat People. I needed a medium THermal SHirt..Couldnt find even a large..All they had was Super Huge, Mega Gigantic, tripe, quadruple 3X Large.

Well, I also need a few plain T-Shirts...Nothing under the Super Huge, Mega Gigantic, Triple-Quadruple 3X Large. My blood starts to boil. I go and ask the large lady who works the mens dept.

She looked at me with contempt, and snickered out a short reply with attitude...Like its my fault I cant find any my size there, she insisted they are there.

So back to looking I went....Couldnt Find Any. Blood now surpassed Super Heated point, It exploded. WIth both Arms extended skyward I yelled out......WHATS THE F'in PROBLEM...WAL MART ONLY CATERS TO #$#$%*%$#(@!!##. (Read in insensitive, harsh, descriptive exerlatives saying bad things about people who are heavier than I)

Then with Two swings of my Fists I decimated the Thermal Underwear and shirt shelves. A second Later a person fitting the description I blurted out rounds the corner and just looks at me with his eyes wide and jaw dropped. I can only imagine the Crazed Rage expressin I had been wearing. I looked down and saw ONE large thermal Shirt, picked it up and walked out.

Looked behind me, the dudes look was still the same, and he stood motionless in the same spot.

Dont know what it is, my temper is like Explosive. If people dont understand me, that only makes it worse, and I dont even know what my deal is....

Maybe I need to play some violent video games to vent, or play Paintball. ANy suggestions or pointers anyone?

[Mr 5 0]

Mercury

The good news is that your explosive temper isn't all that unusual and you're not insane. Millions of peoploe are the same way, especially when frustrated, as you were in Wal-Mart. The bad news is that your lack of self-control will certainly get you into trouble some day or at the least, hurt feelings of people that you don't really wish to hurt.

I've been where you are and I've lost friendships, lost romances and lost one job to prove it, all far in my past, now, I'm happy to say. I stopped my then-normal road rage routine (screaming curses out the window and flipping the bird when someone pissed me off in traffic) when people started carrying guns and a few folks were killed over a parking space or because someone cut them off and they tried to 'teach them a lesson'- and got shot for their trouble. I understand your reaction to the ricer chick who threw a can of soda at your Mustang (and hit it). I would do the same thing because that was a direct assault on your vehicle - but you could have gotten in trouble for it had the ricer kid (a neighbor) called the cops. He would claim that he and his g/f did nothing wrong, yada yada, yada. Same with the Wal - Mart incident. Disorderly Conduct, at best.

So, where do you go from here? Well, I have no quick fix but I can tell you that although I don't scream at people on the road anymore, much less make threatening gestures at anyone, I still get angry when cut off or someone screws around with me on the road. I'm usually in the passing lane so I don't get cut off all that often but when I do, I just let the sucker go. A girl in an old Plymouth did flip me the bird once a few years ago while I was in the Stang, behind her, on the interstate. No reason; I wasn't tailgating her, honking, flashing my lights or doing anything. I was P.O''ed, so I sped up and pulled alongside of her (summertime and her window was open) and yelled: 'WHAT"S YOUR PROBLEM!" She stared straight ahead, expressionless, until I finally blew past her. My wife says that the girl - whoever she was - may think twice about flipping people off while driving on the highway, yet I did nothing really illegal.

I just about never make scenes in stores or restaurants, but I've done so in the past, usually to no avail. I never got what I wanted, much like the Jack Nicholson character (Bobby Dupee) in the famous 'Diner Scene' from the old movie: 'Five Easy Pieces" . He sweeps all the dishes and silverware off the diner table (in a loud and memorable clatter) after a stupid waitress refuses to take his order for a chicken sandwich - because it's not on the menu, even after the Nicholson character tells her how she can do it and 'not break any rules'. Later, after a hitchhiker in his car who witnessed the scene tells him how great that was when he told the waitress to 'read THIS sign!' and then swept the dishes off the table, Jack replies: "Yeah, but I still didn't get my chicken sandwich".

Point being that screaming and making 'scenes' in stores usually doesn't get you far. I've done it, I know. Oh, once in awhile it may, but these days, people call the cops for anything and screaming and cursing at salesclerks and waitresses is not generally a good idea, but i think you already know this.

I look at it this way: life is full of little frustrations. From phone processing 'menus' that never allow you to talk to a human being to lines in stores to traffic on the highway. There are tons of stupid, irritating people out there and more are being born every day. This is life, unless you're a mega-millionaire who pays people to do the routine tasks of life, like waiting on lines and driving. Good incentive to work harder, i suppose. However, I've come to the conclusion that being angry or just annoyed half the time doesn't do me any real good. Most of the people I'm mad at don't care or even know that I'm mad. What is the point? Sure, I can get angry at situations and people, but I also let the majority of it go. No point to continual anger over petty crap we all have to deal with. I do find humor in some situations, which helps, and I just shrug off the rest. Oh, I still can get angry at some clerk or idiot in some store, but not that often and I usually use sarcasm when that happens and that helps (me - not them).

A lot of anger stems from frustration and a lot of that frustration is often borne of some deeper unrest, but that's beyond my competence to analyze here. I would simply recommend that you make a better attempt to not allow routine annoyances drive you crazy. Take a breath and try to get past the initial anger and see it for what it is, usually nothing serious at all, like not finding a shirt in Wal-Mart or whatever. Being perpetually angry is unhealthy, unproductive and generally gets you nowhere. As they say: it just ain't worth it. Try to see the humor in some situations and ignore a lot of the rest. Frustrating, stupid people will always be among us. How we choose to deal with them is what's important.

There are certainly better ways to spend our time here than yelling and being upset all the time - and having to apologize a lot. I suggest you try to see annoying situations for what they really are (not all that important) and make a conscious attempt to not allow yourself to become angry over them, thus taking more control of your life, Merc. You'll still be annoyed, frustrated, even a bit angry - but you'll be controlling it rather than having your anger controlling you and this will work to your benefit, I believe.

Good luck.

[Crazy Horse GT]

well put mr 50 , but if ricer's had hit my car with a coke can, it would be stuck up his ----, then i would have kicked out hie tailight, probably more, but that's me, lol. l8ter.

[MidNiteBlu 5.0]

I woulda have gotten pissed if someone threw a soda can ta my car. Thats messed up

[1969Mach1]

Well the coke can incident I would of probably done the same thing, well I would of probably pulled the guy threw the window of his car to beat the crap out of him.

As for the Wal-Mart, that sounds like you have some issues to deal with. Try getting away for a weekend, remember people only work in a store, they don't always have the choice of what merchandise they sell and such.

Maybe you just need some action.

-Sam.

[Fulcrum]

You have to keep in mind, Wal-mart isn't out to hire the cream of the crop. These people (with few exceptions) are the ones who can't get hired anywhere else. Don't bring your self down to there level, you deserve to give yourself more credit then that. Just walk away knowing that moe then likley - they're just one paycheck away from holding a sign on a corner, or becoming a cop.

[mustangman65_79]

One thing that I think will help, and I'm trying to get one, is a punching bag. My friend has one, and sometimes I will just be punching it, when all of a sudden, I go nuts and beat the crap out of it, but i feel a lot better after words.


I kinda have the same thing u do, and lately I've been blowing up too, almost got me kicked out of the AF, but got lucky so far. I'm trying to keep a cool head now, but sometimes it hard. As for the car vs coke thing, I would have done the same thing.

[Fox Body]

Originally posted by Mr 5 0
Mercury...
I look at it this way: life is full of little frustrations. From phone processing 'menus' that never allow you to talk to a human being to lines in stores to traffic on the highway. There are tons of stupid, irritating people out there and more are being born every day. This is life, unless you're a mega-millionaire who pays people to do the routine tasks of life, like waiting on lines and driving. Good incentive to work harder, i suppose. However, I've come to the conclusion that being angry or just annoyed half the time doesn't do me any real good. Most of the people I'm mad at don't care or even know that I'm mad. What is the point? Sure, I can get angry at situations and people, but I also let the majority of it go. No point to continual anger over petty crap we all have to deal with. I do find humor in some situations, which helps, and I just shrug off the rest. Oh, I still can get angry at some clerk or idiot in some store, but not that often and I usually use sarcasm when that happens and that helps (me - not them).

A lot of anger stems from frustration and a lot of that frustration is often borne of some deeper unrest, but that's beyond my competence to analyze here. I would simply recommend that you make a better attempt to not allow routine annoyances drive you crazy. Take a breath and try to get past the initial anger and see it for what it is, usually nothing serious at all, like not finding a shirt in Wal-Mart or whatever. Being perpetually angry is unhealthy, unproductive and generally gets you nowhere. As they say: it just ain't worth it. Try to see the humor in some situations and ignore a lot of the rest. Frustrating, stupid people will always be among us. How we choose to deal with them is what's important.

There are certainly better ways to spend our time here than yelling and being upset all the time - and having to apologize a lot. I suggest you try to see annoying situations for what they really are (not all that important) and make a conscious attempt to not allow yourself to become angry over them, thus taking more control of your life, Merc. You'll still be annoyed, frustrated, even a bit angry - but you'll be controlling it rather than having your anger controlling you and this will work to your benefit, I believe.

Good luck.

Very good advice and I share the same sentiments. You've saved me a lot of writing .

But along with what was said above, let me add my experience:

Mercury, I used to have a pretty bad temper where I would allow it to escalate in my mind and flow throughout my body until a certain climactic point and then just explode and it got me into situations that later either turned into an embarassment or I ended up regretting. I remember a friend of mine telling me, "you know, you are just like Noel (another friend), you get angry and worried about things too much." Weird, but for me to see myself in the actions of someone else (who I perceived, BTW, to have a really bad temper... worse than mine) gave me a diff perspective on the whole thing and something just seemed to Click--- really. And you know, with that simple comment, I began to think, "What is this all about, why do I even waste breath/emotion/time/effort on being angry or allowing myself to explode. There are PLENTY of other things to be angry about like rapists, child molestors, the murder and enslavement of many in other countries, corrupt governments, theft, vandalism, poverty, feminism, etc, etc, why waste it on the little things? As Mr 5 0 stated, yelling and screaming in reality usually only does good enough to get people to call the cops on you and all people will witness is some guy yelling and screaming, not what is going on in your or my head.

Then something changed, in a really short amount of time, I'd approach that line at where if I crossed it I'd explode. And when I finally got to that line, instead of exploding, I'd just start laughing. Seriously. I'd think "it's not worth it". As long as someone doesn't lay his/her hand on you, and isn't ACTUALLY and utterly ruining your good reputation with lies, you really have nothing to worry about. It's not worth it, concerning the time, effort and emotion spent, and it is not good for you physically, spiritually, mentally, socially, or emotionally.

Another thing I found out. There was one point in my life where people on the road started REALLY pissing me off, and I NOTICED: the more I got angry and the temperature started rising, the more people would do on the road to piss me off. It's like they knew I was pissed and called their friends to drive around me and follow me and piss me off more--like one grand conspiracy! Trust me, the more you allow things to anger you, the more things there will BE to anger you and it will just escalate higher and higher until something goes drastically wrong, if you allow it to.

Trust me, man, it's not worth it. Laugh it off, buddy, laugh it off. Just DO IT. Don't think about it. DOn't dwell in your anger b/c if you do, you will not be able to back out b/c the truth of it is is that people LIKE to be angry. It is a sort of release, good to a point and in certain contexts and situations, but you know, when it is time to be angry, you just WANT to explode, you really do WANT to give into it. Don't man, IT"S NOT WORTH THE STRESS (talking about stuff like the Wal-Mart incident and road rage). LAUGH IT OFF. B/c unless they touch you, you aint' got nothing to worry about. Screw 'em! Who are they to you?? Laugh it off. You are above it. You can handle it. There are people who have got it FAR worse than you. ALways look on the bright side. THere is ALWAYS a positive side to every bad situation, you just gotta take time to look for it.

Now about the car..... sheesh man, you got some weird people around where you live . I dunno, I can't quite imagine that someone could have the audacity. I'm not sure what I would've done, probably get the license plate and call the cops on them. I can tell you that I'd SURE initially feel like doing exactly what 1969Mach1 said above (adding: "and then proceed to beat the crap out of his girlfriend as well "), but then realize that fighting wouldn't have been the answer and in the long run, just not worth the reverberations. I can say though that honestly, I don't blame you for what you did concerning the car. I hope I would have the strength to follow my own advice.....

[Mercury]

The Soda can incident was really kinda what set my whole Rage thing off. Ever since then, its kinda been like Wow.

I'm doing my best to extingiush the flames before they turn into a 4 alarm fire.

[Cameron]

you know mercury, i work with a friend who is exactly like you only i think he is alittle worse. if someone would of have thrown a soda can at his car, to him that is a deadly assault. he would have probably pulled the kid out of the car and feed him the whole coke can. course he is about 6'5" at 250 and stocky as hell. he went to vegas to get married and someone is messing with him as they drive down the main strip. he locks the ebrake and gets out. they get out and flash a gun, but that doesn't stop my buddy. he told them they better not miss. his new wife and buddies had to pull him back in the car. that is where his temper could have got him in trouble and hurt the lives of many. i have never had to deal with a bad temper, but i tell you what never hold it inside. i have this problem and people walk on you before you know it and i feel angry all the time. i have been working on that though.

[rwhite65]

wal mart workers are one step away from becoming a cop???...oh that is harsh.

The soda can thing.....they had what you did and more coming.
Ryan

[95GTS]

I resent the comment about being a cop. I used to be one.

As for the can incident. Grab your trusty cell phone next time. Call the local PD and follow the perps until patrol arrives. Or even get their description, tags and car description and report it. They'll get their due. Been there, done that.

[rwhite65]

95 GTS, I thought I was the only one that caught that. Everyone is entitled to their opinion...glad to see someone else respects it too.
Ryan