Me and Marya Broke up! Scary Moment.

[Mercury]

Yep, its been a while since I posted a relationship problem. I've been keeping them to myself, well that and I havent had the time to post as much as I use to.

My heart is filled with a great saddness, not pitty for myself, or fear of being alone. I do not doubt or question my decision, but to see some one else in such great pain eats at my soul.

Saturday night I broke up with Marya. I'm not sure if some of you, or any of you will understand, but me and her where to much alike. Both head strong, opinionated, short tempered, and educated. The qualties we shared made it extremely difficult not to argue or debate on things.

Our diffrences were also damaging. She is very independant, and wants someone who can drop everything and can spend time with her. While I would of loved to do such, I have my responsabilities also.

My family is going through a ruff time, A really bad time, and they need me more now than ever. I wont get into that, thats a whole other story in its own, but I have to be the man of the house and help my family through these times. Therefore I couldnt just drop everything and run off for a few days.

That right there was the bases for a good many of our arguements. There are other things also, but thats not why I feel the way I do at the moment.

I had been putting off breaking up with Marya long enough, in hopes that our talks and discussions would change things. It didnt, so before things went any further (She was extremely pushy) I thought it would be best to end it.

The timing was horrible, I didnt plan on it to end like it did. I couldnt get her hopes up or lie to her, but the timing was just so wrong.

Saturday she just cooked dinner for my whole family (8 of us including her and her daughter). It was a great Fillipino dinner. She is hands down a great cook. Afterwards, we went back to her place, she had a few beers, and was relaxed. I drove us to the Hang Out, where we mingled for a little bit, then we went back to her place.

I told her Friday night we needed to talk about a few things, so she was eager to see what it was. I was as gentle and kind as I could be about it. She of course was upset. I was sad, and upset. I mean, She is a great, caring, loving person. She's smart, and pretty. But it just wasnt working out.

Well, things started to get really bad, and I stayed to calm her down. She seemed okay, so I tucked her into bed, and we talked. She got mad and told me to leave. So I went to leave.

When I got to the door, I heard her running down the hall, and then she came running towards me. I thought she might of had a knife or something so I immediatly took a defensive posture.

She then collappsed on the floor and started crying. She went into a nervous break down. Started ripping her hair out, and beating her self baddly on the legs and head. She whipped her head about, hitting everything with it.

I as gently as possible, grabbed her wrists and used my shoulder to stop her from hitting her head. She wrestled against my grasp for a while. She cried and screamed frantically. Beging me not to go. I couldnt lie to her, I just tried to calm her down. I spoke really gently to her for along time, it didnt work.

I Raised my voice and was stern (Not yelling) and she reacted to that. So I told her to get her act together, adn that she had a lot to live for. I talked for about 15 mintues. And let go of her wrists. After 30 seconds, she went back into a frenzy, I had to hold her down again.

That went on for 4 hours. I was really really scarred. I didnt know what to do. She had gouged her arms pretty good, and bruised herself pretty good. I talked to her non stop, nothing negative or harsh. She collapssed. I picked her up and guided her to her bed, and put her in it. She just cried non stop. I sat next to her for the longest time trying to comfort her. I told her she is still in my heart, and that I care for her greatly.

What she did Saturday night brought back some bad memories. I was once in the same shape. I use to beat myself physically to try to get the mental pain out of my head, to make things better. I did that for years. I know the pain, and hurt she has to be going through. What scares me is, I know I was suicidal at the time. The pain is immense, almost unbearable, well, it was for me those many years ago.

My expereince with those feelings helped me calm her down I feel. I did what I would of want someone else to of done when I was like that. I feel so horrible for hurting like such. I worry about her. I feel like such a mean, bad person.

I was as nice as can be the whole time. I pray for her safety, and for her pain and suffering. I've tried getting a hold of her to see if she's okay, but she wont answer.

Now I'm afraid to call her because I dont want to hurt her even more, or reopen wounds. This is such a mess. I didnt want to hurt anyone.

[silver_pilate]

Oh ****, man.

First off, you did the right thing. If you knew it wasn't going to work out, you were absolutely correct in breaking it off. It is NEVER cool to lead someone on. So, even though I know you hated doing it, and I know you were having a great time with her, you did the right thing.

I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through to do it, though. It sounds like she has some real issues within herself which need to be taken care of. You behaved exactly as I would have when she started going hysterical. I don't see anything you could've done better. You were a real gentleman and obviously a good friend to care for her in her greatest time of need.

What to do now?? I suggest talking to her friends. Give her closest friend a call and let her know what's up. She doesn't need to be alone right now. It doesn't sound as if she's thinking rationally. Get her friends over there to talk to her and be with her. If I were you, I'd give her some time to cool down before I tried talking to her again. Talk with her friends. Let them tell her that you are concerned about her safety. Don't, however, let her use a threat of self-harm to guilt you back into a relationship. She needs to know that it's over. Don't give her false hopes, and try not to let this break-up drag on and on. You've ended it, so end it. Make it a definate. It's over. I know that's hard to stomach for her (maybe even for you), but if you keep lingering around in the shadows, it won't do either of you any good in getting on with your lives.

Man, I'll pray for her safety as well, and I'll pray for guidance for you in this situation. Good luck, and please, get some of her friends over there.

--nathan

[89LXFLEA]

MERC. SORRY TO HEAR THINGS
DIDN'T WORK OUT FOR YOU 2
I THINK YOU DID THE RIGHT
THING. THE BOTH OF YOU ARE IN
MY PRAYERS. GOOD LUCK, IF
YOU NEED ANYTHING LET ME KNOW.



FLEA

[Friedchicken]

I know it may be impossible for you to understand at this juncture- but this is probably the best thing to have happened to you. I think you now know what type of person to look for in future and what not to look for.

Best of luck

[1969Mach1]

I envy you Merc. It takes alot to do that, I find it one of the hardest things to do. I find that I have similar values and morals as you. Like how you care for other people well being and such. I'm sure she will fine, and in the long run this will make you both stronger people. It isn't something easy to do but time will heal all wounds.

Take care my friend,
Don't worry everything will be fine in the end, because if it isn't then it's not really the end.

§am.

[Coupe Devil]

Not sure how to respond to this one man. I do knwo you did the right thing by staying to calm her down. Not sure if I could have handled a situation like that the way you did. I wouldve probably tucked my tail and ran. I must commend you for it. As to agree with everyone else, talk to her friends. Get thier support for yourself and most especailly her. I must disagree with silver on one thing. He says give her some time, I say, offer a conversation, but dont push. If she is up for it cool. If not let her be until she is ready talk to you again. Thats MY OPINION only. You have done what you feel is best so far and thats all you can do. Do what is the best for her, you, the relationship and worry bout everyone else later (not meaning the family) take care of this as well but you still only do what YOU feel is best.

Brad

[Mustangbelle306]

Ummm thats's some crazy ****.

Hurting herself because someone she has been dating for a month (right?) broke up with her because she was being too pushy? Totally creepy...despite her obvious pain, do you now feel even more that you made the right decision? I think you did.

I'm sorry that things did not work out for you again, but I think you avoided even bigger problems down the road. I don't she sounds mentally stable at all, and like others said, I think it was way cool of you to not lead her on if you felt that it was not leading anywhere.

Keep your head up and you'll find her.

[Mr 5 0]

Mercury:

Sorry to learn of the breakup but it sounds as if it was inevitable.

You did right by being honest with Marya and breaking it off but her reaction was, well, extreme (to be kind about it). You handled that well, too, by your account and you deserve the kudos you've received for controlling that episode.

Frankly, I would leave the woman - and her friends, alone.

It's over. You did the best you could with it and handled her outrageous behavior like an adult.

Everthing can't always be 'fixed', Merc, especially other people.

You're dealing with some deep-seated problems in this lady and I can almost guarantee that you won't make things any better. Wish I could be more encouraging but I have to be honest with you here.

You usually cannot have a meaningful relationship end without someone being 'hurt' emotionally. It's unrealistic to expect that, nice as it would be for all concerned. If you mean anything to each other, you'll both be upset at a breakup. Otherwise, neither one would care much and it would end with a handshake and a hug and be forgotten.

Tend to your immediate family duties, Merc. Leave this alone for awhile and don't feel guilty. You tried, it didn't work out and you treated Marya with compassion and respect when it ended, even though she became irrational. You stayed and saw her through it. That's a man and a good guy. Know that and now move on with your life. Better days are ahead.

[The Sandman]

Guys, a quick heads up, outside opinion. Me and Marya are good friends, she trusts me a "lot". She said that if she'd ever go out of town, or have a family emergency or etc, she would rely on my to help her pay pills, even 'with her own checkbook'.

I also believe Damien did the right thing, but this just doesn't sound like Marya. I've also tried giving her a call, and I too am worried about her well-being. It's not like her at all to just 'go away' for a while. We're both worried about her. I've tried calling her the 'day after' and left a message on her machine. No call back. Hopefully this situation will get better, and Marya and Damien (and her and myself) can all be friends again.

[Unit 5302]

Yeah, she's not likely to disappear, like that time just a couple months ago when she dropped off the face of the Earth. People overreact, and sounds like she went a little nuts.

You did the right thing by breaking it off with her, Damien. You can't feel obligated to be in a relationship or it will just never be right.

Sorry to hear things didn't work out the way they were planned.

[lx mike]

D: been wondering where you was at and what was going on with you and her. always look forward to your posts but this is one that we all wish didn't have to happene but it did. you handled it better than most would have. your a strong guy and some lucky girl will realize it and carry you off someday. we're always here for you to talk and get it out if you need.

Oh Merc,,I am so sorry this has happened to you and Marya, but like the others said...you did the right thing and to me the way you did with such concern and conpasoin shows you are a man of honor. I agree she is Very upset and Mad as He** right now so it would be best to let her find herself again..it is very sad how things in our lives can change so fast from day to day. I admire you for the way you tried to explain to her your position. Hopefully Sandman will be able to find out where she is and what she's doing, but I really don't think its good for you to try and contact her right now, so hang in there and take care of your family and I hope that all will be fine in the near futher...you and Marya are in my prayers. Take care of yourself OK.....Lee

[1fastchick]

Don't call her directly and Don't end up seeing her until she is able to get it together. You did the right thing and it sounds like she has friends there with her to watch her. Take care man.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by 1fastchick
Don't call her directly and Don't end up seeing her until she is able to get it together. You did the right thing and it sounds like she has friends there with her to watch her. Take care man.

Concisely stated, and 100% good advice. WB btw, you disappeared again

[Mercury]

Me and Marya were talking/dating for 4 months. While that is a relatively short time considering the shortest relationship I was in before was 2 years, it is still not to be taken lightly just because of the time we were together.

Thank you all for the positive comments and support I really do appreciate it.

It would be hypacritical of me to break up with her because she has Mental Issues. I myself have had (ANd still do to an extent)major problems in the past, what helped me over come them was a women from a prior relationship (My Ex that I dated for 4 years). The thing is, I'm alot more open with my feelings and emotions than Marya is. I was wanting help, and willing to find peace, Marya didnt want to admit she needs help and guidance. She thinks she can tackle her problems and past experiences (Which I will not get into, but she has reason to be the way she is) on her own. A very tuff nut to crack.

People who have problems need help also. If left alone things dont go away, they reccess back into the farthest reaches of the mind, lingering. ONly to come back in magnitudes when certian things trigger memories. The feeling is so overwhelming, the pain is so overbearing. NOthing matters when one is in such a state..NOTHING. It is impossible to explain how it feels, how it hurts. The only thing that might come close to describing the feeling is being lost in a deep, dark cave, with no light, all alone. The pain is impossible to describe.

As I said, her "Problems" had nothing to do with me braking up with her. If anything I want to help her out, and asure her everything will be okay, that there is no reason to fear demons from the past and everything to look foward to in the future.

Thanks Sandman, I appreciate your help in this. I know this makes it hard for you since your both our friend.

[Mustangbelle306]

Originally posted by Mercury
Marya didnt want to admit she needs help and guidance. She thinks she can tackle her problems and past experiences (Which I will not get into, but she has reason to be the way she is) on her own. A very tuff nut to crack.

People who have problems need help also. If left alone things dont go away, they reccess back into the farthest reaches of the mind, lingering. ONly to come back in magnitudes when certian things trigger memories.

I'm sorry to hear she is having problems , I am one of the few that feel it IS possible to overcome personal issues without outside/professional help (living proof) BUT you still have to admit, even if just to yourself, that there is indeed an issue. Without doing that, things cannot improve...I hope that even though you two are no longer an item, that you can still help her.

I can understand why she might not feel like talking...Although I think we all agree you did the right thing, I'm sure there is still a feeling of betrayal on her part, that you left her alone with her personal demons. I hope that soon she will understand that she is the only one that can truly put them to rest...if I can figure it out, anyone can

[srv1]

well Merc its better now this happened then later on. thats just my opinion. good luck!

[tireburner163]

Well Merc I really don't know what do say. I can't offer any real advice. All I can say is that my prayers are with you in these troubled times.

I know how you feel about the mental problems. I was in the same boat a several years ago. Ironicly that's why I'm here today. I needed something to absorb myself into and, belive it or not, it was Mustangs(and automotics in general) that offered a place of...........solitude if you will.....a place where no one judged me.

[Crazy Horse GT]

merc sorry to hear about all this, i hope everything works out ok, you know if you need anything just give me a yell, take care.

[yellowGTcnvt]

Merc.
I hate to hear this happened to you. You were very strong in that situation, which I was not when the same happened to me. I was with a guy for 3 1/2 years and he was ready to get married but i knew he wasnt the one so I had to end it soon also. He ended up doing the same thing. I on the other hand walked away from it. I would have stayed with him to keep him safe from harming his self any more if i didnt. That was over a year ago. Today he is doing good and got married to a great girl.
I hope your situation turns out good in the end also. My prayers are with the both of you.

Heather