New Unsolved Mysteries episode in the works!!!. PLEASE HELP!! (rather long)

[JRowlette]

All right, if I can't fix this, I am sending it in to Unsolved Mysteries!!! Saturday I bought your basic tune-up kit, cap, rotor, plugs(Bosch Platinum), wires and fuel filter. I get all of this done and my car doesn't start!!!!. When I crank it, I can hear it fire erratically on a couple of cylinders, but it won't go ahead and start and it backfires like Grandpa's ole 12-gauge, (several people came out of their apartments looking for dead bodies). I checked voltage on TPS, MAF, injectors, etc. Everything was fine, the coil was even shooting 6-inch arc. Next, i put ALL of the old stuff back in the car. Still it didn't work. Since then I have put cheapass Autolite plugs, a new fuel pressure regulator, and a new TFI Module. Still doesnt start!!!!!!! Talk about frustration.
The plugs are firing even when fouled, the rotor lines up correctly with every cylinder, and I am getting very good compression in every cylinder. WTF!!!!!
I have done some research and found out about the PIP, or profile ignition pickup switching device located in the distributor which provides the EEC with crankshaft position information upon which it bases engine speed, spark advance, and injector timing computations. Is this replaceable or has ANYBODY dealt with it?????? Please help!!! It seems like I have done everything I can possibly imagine doing.