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THE 'MALE' STAGES OF LIFE
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AGE DRINK
* 17 beer
* 25 vodka
* 35 bourbon
* 48 double bourbon
* 66 Maalox

AGE SEDUCTION LINE
* 17 My parents are away for the weekend.
* 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend
* 35 My fiancée is away for the weekend.
* 48 My wife is away for the weekend.
* 66 My second wife is dead.

AGE FAVORITE SPORT
* 17 sex
* 25 sex
* 35 sex
* 48 sex
* 66 napping

AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
* 17 "tongue"
* 25 "breakfast"
* 35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
* 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
* 66 "Got home alive."

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
* 17 getting to third
* 25 airplane sex
* 35 menage a trois
* 48 taking the company public
* 66 firm bowel movement

AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
* 17 25
* 25 35
* 35 48
* 48 66
* 66 17

AGE IDEAL DATE
* 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
* 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
* 35 "Just come over."
* 48 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
* 66 "Just come over and cook."
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THE 'FEMALE' STAGES OF LIFE
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AGE DRINK
* 17 Wine Coolers
* 25 White wine
* 35 Red wine
* 48 Dom Perignon
* 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

AGE FAVORITE SPORT
* 17 shopping
* 25 shopping
* 35 shopping
* 48 shopping
* 66 shopping

AGE DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
* 17 "Burger King"
* 25 "Free meal"
* 35 "A diamond"
* 48 "A bigger diamond"
* 66 "Home Alone"

AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
* 17 tall, dark and handsome
* 25 tall, dark and handsome with money
* 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
* 48 a man with some hair
* 66 a man

AGE WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
* 17 17
* 25 25
* 35 35
* 48 48
* 66 66

AGE IDEAL DATE
* 17 He offers to pay
* 25 He pays
* 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
* 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
* 66 He can chew breakfast