LOL!!!!! (that's a good one) ...sick, very sick, but funny!
Practice!!!! ...that will produce the best results! Get some scrap metal and start doing butt-joint welds, T-joint welds, and lap-joint welds, vertical, horizontal, over head, etc.
I'm not well versed in the technical jargon of welding, but I can pick up a MIG, set it up properly, and lay down a good bead... I forgot all the technical stuff I learned in high-school welding class, but I work in a muffler shop and use a MIG there and have a small MIG at home that gets used occasionally... I'd never attempt a rollcage unless I had a TIG welder, ... but I've installed subframe connectors for several people at the shop before without any complaints or problems, I installed my anti-roll bar and did all the welding on my torque boxes... so I've got the hang of things
I can weld with a MIG, which is the easiest to use. I did Oxy/Acetlyene, ARC, TIG, and MIG in H.S.
So my novice advise to you would be to take a welding class at a local community college or get the book that was mentioned and start practicing!!!!