g/f and I broke up

[PKRWUD]

6T9 brings up a really good point that hits me where it counts. I also had many remorseful moments that I later discovered coincided with my part-time partner doing schit she shouldn't have, or at the very least, made me feel like an idiot. The mental state my mind was at whenever I was feeling like the bad guy, and contemplating getting back together, was of bad Chris, poor Debbie. When I would later discover that poor debbie was with her ex husband while I was feeling bad, it felt like a slap in the face. Granted, she wasn't doing this specifically to hurt me, but it felt this way. The problem that this created, that proved to difficult to overcome, was the baggage we both would have to carry with us for the rest of our relationship. I eventually realized that no matter what happened from that day forward, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was still hurt by what had happened, and a part of me would never be able to forgive that. That was unfair to her. I could never be an equal, loving partner to a woman I had angry and hurt feelings with, no matter what she did. I would always have doubts and suspicions, and it just couldn't work. Unfortunately, it took me several very hard years to realize and accept this truth. I'm just trying to avoid revisiting messed up memories like this when I reply like my first one, which I suppose isn't fair to you. You will be okay, and you will look back on this as a great thing, but I understand why you wouldn't believe that now.

Take care,
-Chris