Problems with friends girl.....

[silver_pilate]

Damn it...I just lost a freaking long post....so this will likely be a bit shortened simply because I'm pissed at having to type it again...


I completely agree with what Jim said about some women just liking the attention of guys. Lets face it, ALL women (except for those engaging in alternative life styles ) like to have the attention of men. Whether that be second glances, complements, or whatever. I know some women who thrive on this type of attention. They need it to make themselves feel better, and they'll flirt or be forward with someone to get it. I'm not saying that your friend is that type of girl, but just be aware of it.

Here's a little clip from the experiences of nathan....

I recently moved to a new city, and I got an appartment. It just happens that the leasing agent at my appartments is extremely good looking, and just happens to be my neighbor. Well, I started making excuses to go by the appartment offices when she was working. I spent some time getting to know her, and I'd been picking up signals that perhaps she was interested. I ask her out, and things went great. It turned out that she was interested and was waiting for me to ask her out. It was awesome for a while. I knew she didn't want anything really serious, but we spent lots of time together and got really close...or so I thought (that neighbor thing works great...but it all comes back to haunt you...). Don't worry ladies, I'm am the gent, and things never got sexual other than the cuddling and kissing stuff which all of us guys make fun of until we're doing it.

Anyway, just as I'm really pleased with the whole situation, she comes over and wants to talk. She says she's been doing some thinking, and she wants to pull the brakes. She needs some time to learn how to be single again after dating someone for so long, and she's got some things in her life she wants to take care of before getting serious. She wants to continue hanging out and stuff like that...she said that she really likes me and maybe something can happen in the future, but she just needs some time. Bullshit.

When we first started dating, I learned a bit about her previous relationships. She had broken up with a guy about 6 months prior after dating him for 2 years. During the summer, she dated like 7 guys for a couple of weeks each. I flat out asked her..."I'm not another rebound guy, am I?" She's like, "No, those were the guys I dated in the summer...I'm over that now." Yeah.

Turns out, she's still interested in her ex....a guy that apparently treated her like crap, but that she still wants to be with. They were talking the whole time I was dating her, and they ended up getting back together, and things are freaking peachy....

Anyway, all that to this point. I liked this woman from the start. I liked her, and I was blinded to some important things. As now we are just friends, I've been able to observe some things I wouldn't have seen when I was interested in her. She likes guy's attention. She's a very nice person, when she likes you. She can be down-right flirty. She loves guys to give her complements, to give her attention, to do nice things for her. She needs that to feel good. She said she needed time to be single...bull. She wanted her ex who cheated on her and whom she cheated on...sounds like a formula for success, huh? I, along with those other guys during the summer, was a fleeting interest...a challenge. Someone who treated her right...made her feel great about herself...and whom once she got what she needed and got me hooked, she dropped like a rock. Unfortunately, I don't drop that easy. I continue to be her friend, and for a while, before she got back with her ex, she tried to string me along. I held on hope for something to come of it, but it never did. She wanted me there to make her feel good. I'm all about doing nice things for people, but I found myself begging for her attention, and that, my friend, is downright pathetic. I shoudn't have to beg for anyone's attention, be it a girl or a friend. That realization brought me out of a pretty dark place. I was being used...she wanted her ex...someone who didn't fulfill her needs completely, and she was using me to get what she wasn't getting out of her relationship with him.

That's a long story just to say that, you can never tell what a woman is after when you are infatuated with her. Take a step back and view the whole picture. Look at things from a distance and see what others see. Someone who's not involved in the situation can see things much more clearly than you at times.

I don't know if any of my petty ramblings help anyone or simply take up server space, but sometimes it's as good for me to get them out there. I hope everything works out for you, bud. Take it slow, and don't get infatuated. Guard your heart until you're sure it's right.

Oh...another thing...don't date your neighbor. It sucks after it ends when you live 20 feet away from her.

--nathan