Why Am I Always Just "The Friend"?

[Mr 5 0]

Mustangbelle306, 302blownpony:

In my experience I've noticed that girls (we're talking the 16 - 21 range here) are clearly flattered by male 'attention', especially if it's friendly but without the pressure of dating and all that can entail.

As a practical matter it's always nice to be noticed and liked by a member of the opposite sex and when you're a teenage girl the attentions of a friendly, 'safe' guy are generally welcomed. Why not? No dating - with it's sexual overtones - to cope with and no risk of having to be 'on' all the time, either.

For the guy, this is fine unless he becomes emotionally and/or sexually attracted to his female friend. Then the trouble begins.

I found this out early (at about 14) and decided that outside of one or two girls I had known since grade school, I didn't really need a lot of female friends as I was more interested in dating girls rather than just hanging with them all the time.

That's when I decided to either be a friend (permanently) to girls I met or if I was at all attracted to a girl I would attempt to get a date as soon as it was reasonable to ask. Sometimes I waited a whole day before asking her out.

Sure, I got turned down but it was generally friendly and I wasn't destroyed by a rejection now and then. No one with a healthy self respect ever is.

Anyway, I continue to maintain that befriending every girl you meet more than once is a sure path to being dateless most of the time.

302blownpony apparently has enough female friends. He needs a date (or two) and to accomplish that he needs to circulate, skip the 'friend' routine and just ask for a casual date, like lunch or even a coffee 'date'. Not every first date has to be a big production; start off small and casual and go from there. Cheaper, too. I recommend it.