Anger Managment Problems.

[Mr 5 0]

Mercury

The good news is that your explosive temper isn't all that unusual and you're not insane. Millions of peoploe are the same way, especially when frustrated, as you were in Wal-Mart. The bad news is that your lack of self-control will certainly get you into trouble some day or at the least, hurt feelings of people that you don't really wish to hurt.

I've been where you are and I've lost friendships, lost romances and lost one job to prove it, all far in my past, now, I'm happy to say. I stopped my then-normal road rage routine (screaming curses out the window and flipping the bird when someone pissed me off in traffic) when people started carrying guns and a few folks were killed over a parking space or because someone cut them off and they tried to 'teach them a lesson'- and got shot for their trouble. I understand your reaction to the ricer chick who threw a can of soda at your Mustang (and hit it). I would do the same thing because that was a direct assault on your vehicle - but you could have gotten in trouble for it had the ricer kid (a neighbor) called the cops. He would claim that he and his g/f did nothing wrong, yada yada, yada. Same with the Wal - Mart incident. Disorderly Conduct, at best.

So, where do you go from here? Well, I have no quick fix but I can tell you that although I don't scream at people on the road anymore, much less make threatening gestures at anyone, I still get angry when cut off or someone screws around with me on the road. I'm usually in the passing lane so I don't get cut off all that often but when I do, I just let the sucker go. A girl in an old Plymouth did flip me the bird once a few years ago while I was in the Stang, behind her, on the interstate. No reason; I wasn't tailgating her, honking, flashing my lights or doing anything. I was P.O''ed, so I sped up and pulled alongside of her (summertime and her window was open) and yelled: 'WHAT"S YOUR PROBLEM!" She stared straight ahead, expressionless, until I finally blew past her. My wife says that the girl - whoever she was - may think twice about flipping people off while driving on the highway, yet I did nothing really illegal.

I just about never make scenes in stores or restaurants, but I've done so in the past, usually to no avail. I never got what I wanted, much like the Jack Nicholson character (Bobby Dupee) in the famous 'Diner Scene' from the old movie: 'Five Easy Pieces" . He sweeps all the dishes and silverware off the diner table (in a loud and memorable clatter) after a stupid waitress refuses to take his order for a chicken sandwich - because it's not on the menu, even after the Nicholson character tells her how she can do it and 'not break any rules'. Later, after a hitchhiker in his car who witnessed the scene tells him how great that was when he told the waitress to 'read THIS sign!' and then swept the dishes off the table, Jack replies: "Yeah, but I still didn't get my chicken sandwich".

Point being that screaming and making 'scenes' in stores usually doesn't get you far. I've done it, I know. Oh, once in awhile it may, but these days, people call the cops for anything and screaming and cursing at salesclerks and waitresses is not generally a good idea, but i think you already know this.

I look at it this way: life is full of little frustrations. From phone processing 'menus' that never allow you to talk to a human being to lines in stores to traffic on the highway. There are tons of stupid, irritating people out there and more are being born every day. This is life, unless you're a mega-millionaire who pays people to do the routine tasks of life, like waiting on lines and driving. Good incentive to work harder, i suppose. However, I've come to the conclusion that being angry or just annoyed half the time doesn't do me any real good. Most of the people I'm mad at don't care or even know that I'm mad. What is the point? Sure, I can get angry at situations and people, but I also let the majority of it go. No point to continual anger over petty crap we all have to deal with. I do find humor in some situations, which helps, and I just shrug off the rest. Oh, I still can get angry at some clerk or idiot in some store, but not that often and I usually use sarcasm when that happens and that helps (me - not them).

A lot of anger stems from frustration and a lot of that frustration is often borne of some deeper unrest, but that's beyond my competence to analyze here. I would simply recommend that you make a better attempt to not allow routine annoyances drive you crazy. Take a breath and try to get past the initial anger and see it for what it is, usually nothing serious at all, like not finding a shirt in Wal-Mart or whatever. Being perpetually angry is unhealthy, unproductive and generally gets you nowhere. As they say: it just ain't worth it. Try to see the humor in some situations and ignore a lot of the rest. Frustrating, stupid people will always be among us. How we choose to deal with them is what's important.

There are certainly better ways to spend our time here than yelling and being upset all the time - and having to apologize a lot. I suggest you try to see annoying situations for what they really are (not all that important) and make a conscious attempt to not allow yourself to become angry over them, thus taking more control of your life, Merc. You'll still be annoyed, frustrated, even a bit angry - but you'll be controlling it rather than having your anger controlling you and this will work to your benefit, I believe.

Good luck.