Anger Managment Problems.

[Fox Body]

Originally posted by Mr 5 0
Mercury...
I look at it this way: life is full of little frustrations. From phone processing 'menus' that never allow you to talk to a human being to lines in stores to traffic on the highway. There are tons of stupid, irritating people out there and more are being born every day. This is life, unless you're a mega-millionaire who pays people to do the routine tasks of life, like waiting on lines and driving. Good incentive to work harder, i suppose. However, I've come to the conclusion that being angry or just annoyed half the time doesn't do me any real good. Most of the people I'm mad at don't care or even know that I'm mad. What is the point? Sure, I can get angry at situations and people, but I also let the majority of it go. No point to continual anger over petty crap we all have to deal with. I do find humor in some situations, which helps, and I just shrug off the rest. Oh, I still can get angry at some clerk or idiot in some store, but not that often and I usually use sarcasm when that happens and that helps (me - not them).

A lot of anger stems from frustration and a lot of that frustration is often borne of some deeper unrest, but that's beyond my competence to analyze here. I would simply recommend that you make a better attempt to not allow routine annoyances drive you crazy. Take a breath and try to get past the initial anger and see it for what it is, usually nothing serious at all, like not finding a shirt in Wal-Mart or whatever. Being perpetually angry is unhealthy, unproductive and generally gets you nowhere. As they say: it just ain't worth it. Try to see the humor in some situations and ignore a lot of the rest. Frustrating, stupid people will always be among us. How we choose to deal with them is what's important.

There are certainly better ways to spend our time here than yelling and being upset all the time - and having to apologize a lot. I suggest you try to see annoying situations for what they really are (not all that important) and make a conscious attempt to not allow yourself to become angry over them, thus taking more control of your life, Merc. You'll still be annoyed, frustrated, even a bit angry - but you'll be controlling it rather than having your anger controlling you and this will work to your benefit, I believe.

Good luck.

Very good advice and I share the same sentiments. You've saved me a lot of writing .

But along with what was said above, let me add my experience:

Mercury, I used to have a pretty bad temper where I would allow it to escalate in my mind and flow throughout my body until a certain climactic point and then just explode and it got me into situations that later either turned into an embarassment or I ended up regretting. I remember a friend of mine telling me, "you know, you are just like Noel (another friend), you get angry and worried about things too much." Weird, but for me to see myself in the actions of someone else (who I perceived, BTW, to have a really bad temper... worse than mine) gave me a diff perspective on the whole thing and something just seemed to Click--- really. And you know, with that simple comment, I began to think, "What is this all about, why do I even waste breath/emotion/time/effort on being angry or allowing myself to explode. There are PLENTY of other things to be angry about like rapists, child molestors, the murder and enslavement of many in other countries, corrupt governments, theft, vandalism, poverty, feminism, etc, etc, why waste it on the little things? As Mr 5 0 stated, yelling and screaming in reality usually only does good enough to get people to call the cops on you and all people will witness is some guy yelling and screaming, not what is going on in your or my head.

Then something changed, in a really short amount of time, I'd approach that line at where if I crossed it I'd explode. And when I finally got to that line, instead of exploding, I'd just start laughing. Seriously. I'd think "it's not worth it". As long as someone doesn't lay his/her hand on you, and isn't ACTUALLY and utterly ruining your good reputation with lies, you really have nothing to worry about. It's not worth it, concerning the time, effort and emotion spent, and it is not good for you physically, spiritually, mentally, socially, or emotionally.

Another thing I found out. There was one point in my life where people on the road started REALLY pissing me off, and I NOTICED: the more I got angry and the temperature started rising, the more people would do on the road to piss me off. It's like they knew I was pissed and called their friends to drive around me and follow me and piss me off more--like one grand conspiracy! Trust me, the more you allow things to anger you, the more things there will BE to anger you and it will just escalate higher and higher until something goes drastically wrong, if you allow it to.

Trust me, man, it's not worth it. Laugh it off, buddy, laugh it off. Just DO IT. Don't think about it. DOn't dwell in your anger b/c if you do, you will not be able to back out b/c the truth of it is is that people LIKE to be angry. It is a sort of release, good to a point and in certain contexts and situations, but you know, when it is time to be angry, you just WANT to explode, you really do WANT to give into it. Don't man, IT"S NOT WORTH THE STRESS (talking about stuff like the Wal-Mart incident and road rage). LAUGH IT OFF. B/c unless they touch you, you aint' got nothing to worry about. Screw 'em! Who are they to you?? Laugh it off. You are above it. You can handle it. There are people who have got it FAR worse than you. ALways look on the bright side. THere is ALWAYS a positive side to every bad situation, you just gotta take time to look for it.

Now about the car..... sheesh man, you got some weird people around where you live . I dunno, I can't quite imagine that someone could have the audacity. I'm not sure what I would've done, probably get the license plate and call the cops on them. I can tell you that I'd SURE initially feel like doing exactly what 1969Mach1 said above (adding: "and then proceed to beat the crap out of his girlfriend as well "), but then realize that fighting wouldn't have been the answer and in the long run, just not worth the reverberations. I can say though that honestly, I don't blame you for what you did concerning the car. I hope I would have the strength to follow my own advice.....