After 4.5years she left me with no notice...

[Mr 5 0]

Sky:

In the wake of the changes you've made since I first posted to you regarding the breakup I just wanted to stop by the thread and encourage you to keep striving for your emotional independence from Breanne, as difficult as that is. It's clear that she is determined to move on (from you) and her admission that her love for you is gone, while hard to take, I know, was one of the first honest things she's done in this situation and you needed to hear it in order to facilitate your separation from her. The fact that you understand none of us can do anything about another's feelings, good or bad, is a mature decision based on truth. Let her go, as you're doing and know that you'll always have Paris (or something).

I generally agree with the advice of my old internet antagonist, Kell (Unit 5302) but I also know that in every relationship there are two stories and while Breanne was obviously lying to and deceiving you, which stinks, I still believe that she was also looking for things in a relationship that you were not able to give her and as she slowly realized this (and you didn't - nor did she tell you) she looked elsewhere for what she feels she needs. As she now is freely admitting her feeelings (or lack of them) for you it appears as if she's known your relationship was at a dead end (for her) for some time but as often happens, she didn't hate you and didn't want to hurt you so she hung on and went through the motions, as it were. Sadly, there is no way to break up a 4 1/2 year live-in relationship without someone being hurt, as you know all too well, now. Unless both parties mutually lose interest and call it off out of boredom, someone wants out and so, the partner who is 'left' gets hurt to some degree. This cannot be avoided. How you handle it is what counts and I believe, based on what you've posted here, that you're handling it well. Props to you, Sky, for that. Many guys just go nuts or get weird which is futile and pointless. You're 22 years old and 'have your whole life ahead of you' as they say. Losing a love at 22 is not the worst thing that can happen to anyone and I trust you understand all that. It appears as if you do.

My only advice at this juncture would be to beware the return of the ex-girlfriend when this affair burns out and/or she gets hurt big-time down the road. Yes, you can be a friend but six months or a year later she may see the dearth of decent guys 'out there' and having had her flings and gained the 'experience' she wanted, come back to you, ready to settle down and all humbled and sorry. Beware. The girl you loved, supported and slept with lied to your face and played you and while she may have had her reasons (immaturity being the main one) the trust a real relationship needs was broken, big-time - by Breanne. That's huge. I would be very careful about allowing this girl back in your life as anything more than a strictly platonic friend. One hopes that in the near future you'll find another girl that accepts you for who you are and isn't looking for more than you can give her - and is honest with you without resorting to game-playing and contrived drama. You had a long, intimate relationship with your high school sweetheart and it finally ended as she outgrew it. That happens. Now, you'll be in a very different place when dating. Just know that most women in their 20's will, at some point, want marriage - and kids - and expect a 'serious' relationship to ultimately lead there. If you're not ready for that then don't get 'serious' and move in with someone as there is the chance that you're the one being deceptive at that point.

We humans sometimes have to exist on sheer optimism and sanguinity so I wish you the best as your 'new' life unfolds before you. Enjoy it.