Before I marry

[Mr 5 0]

Originally Posted by RBatson

That fact that you are happily married(congrats!) and I am recently divorced doesn't make your view any more realistic than mine, in fact I feel its just the opposite. I feel my view of 'marriage today' is more realistic. Being married doesn't make you love each other any more or less.

Rick, it's obvious that two people don't have to be married to 'be in love' and that marriage does not automatically make your love any more or less real. I never said it did. However, the fact of being married and staying married because you both want to be together is a pretty good indication of a mutual love and respect for each other that the absence of that formal committment (of legal marriage) lacks, in my opinion. Live-in's and other arrangements outside of marriage rarely last more than a few years, as there is no real committment and - as singer/songwriter Paul Simon once wrote (and sang): There are (at least) '50 Ways To Leave Your Lover'.

While today's newlyweds may be less inclined to enter into marriage as a lifelong, 'Till death do us part' committment and pre-nups are common, the fact remains (and is often unnoticed) that even with a near-50% chance of a married couple divorcing, millions of married couples DO remain married for life - to one partner, even in a society that has obviously de-valued marriage as the accepted social norm. I think it would be a safe assumption to conclude that the majority of those married 'lifers' are happy in their marriages, understanding that the concept of 'happy' is always relative.

While we may be on opposite sides in terms of our marriage experiences, I think that simply helps any readers of this thread see a diverse set of views. That we each bring a certain level of bias to the discussion is no crime, as those individual biases are transparent and held without rancor. I happen to see marriage in a more positive light because I am happily married and know others who are equally successful in their marriages. You have had a negative experience with marriage and see it with a more jundiced eye, as it were. I think we both have points to be made and I am more than willing to let readers decide on where the truth lies, although, when discussing something as personal as marriage, it is rather difficult to be truly objective, as we both have proved here.